What I'm feeling pinged to do next...enter the Creativity Colonic

Where I started on Substack, a few weeks of listening to my own intuition, and next chapter launch: my soul-bearing diatribe for this season

Where Modern Faith began

Dear reader,

After nine months, thirty-six long form posts, countless meaningful connections—including virtual meetups and even a Substack-to-IRL friend made!—I have reached the milestone of 100+ subscribers!

It’s been a journey filled with creativity, self discovery, self enlightenment, and perhaps most exciting of all, admiration for watching other women share their lives in such a way it both enthralls and expands me.

I spent the last two months working on a rebrand for this publication, because where I began is not where I am now.

I’d started by writing about my deepening relationship with a benevolent, kind, totally-non-denominational Godly force, as a “recovering Catholic”.

I believe someone can have faith without adhering to a particular religion, while still being in touch with the beautiful and bountiful force of God. And that’s what I sought to explore and write about.

I wish I’d had a better experience with Catholicism growing up. I really do. While I now feel happy for anyone who genuinely enjoys being Catholic, the truth is, it left me with emotional trauma and programmed blocks that to this day I’m working hard to move past.

The Catholic experience I had was one of shaming, one of subjugation. One that, whether directly or not, conveyed that women are subordinate to men. That women’s bodies are secondary, and that a woman’s primary purpose is to reproduce children. That masturbation and physical pleasure aren’t for girls, and only loosely tolerated for boys. That gay people are wrong to exist the way they are. That a heavy, clenching shame is something one should wear like a second skin throughout one’s life. That if you do something wrong, you should beat yourself up and give yourself hell for it. Better to have never made any mistakes at all. Better to have been perfect.

It took years to even be able to read the word '“God” and not inwardly erupt in anger and judgement and derision toward the person who innocently wrote it.

Cosmic Crumbs

Through quite a bit of reprogramming and shedding over the better part of a decade, I completely redefined my concept of a divine force, and got to a place where I was excited and felt an awesome degree of community and co-creation with it, And yes, I eventually started calling this force “God.” I also call it the universe. Source. The divine. Sometimes she’s a woman. Other times he’s a man. For me, it matters a lot less what I label it than it does what I believe its intentions and might are.

I’ve found peace with my version of what God is, and peace in how I live out my days with my belief in this divinity.

So when it came to rebranding my work and words here on Substack, I wanted a name that spoke to my belief in a greater force, but that also spoke to my passions and what I’m currently writing about — the journey of inner work, exploration, and building a life that reflects one’s true and unique authenticity.

This is my Canva creation, which I am very proud of and think is just darling.

There’s just one problem - at this exact moment, it feels a bit… performative? Overwhelming? Unnecessary?

Like… I need the perfect name and the perfect logo and fleshed-out content pillars and a Notes strategy and dedicated time in my days for community management and to summon creativity on command and define paid tiers and to make money from my writing and to one day make enough money from my writing that I’ll be able to quit my corporate job and pursue writing and creative passions full-time and then I’ll be fulfilled and happy.

All from a logo swap.

To say, or to share?

Platforms like Substack—and all its social media & blogging predecessors—make it very easy to share.

But in an age of extreme ease to pull the trigger and release out into the world what you think, how you live, your perspectives and thoughts, it’s worth dedicating some time to think about the vast difference between the life you create vs. what you want to share about the life you create with strangers (even the ones that become friends) on the internet.

I’ve written about my life and private-turned-public thoughts thirty-six times in the last year, and now I’m not sure what I want to share. What’s more interesting is that I’m not sure I want to share anything for at least a little while.

Last week I took a long lunch to visit an arboretum with one of my girlfriends. It was one of those breathlessly gorgeous spring days with a gentle but refreshing breeze, the soft squish of saturated earth beneath your feet, and rays of sunlight that were literally visible.

As we strolled and chatted, I found myself, almost unconsciously, stopping to take some photos of the grounds. After a moment, I realized it was literally just so I could post them on Substack later. As truly delightful and incongruously magical Substack is—being both a social media platform and a charming corner of the internet—I knew I had a problem when I halted mid-sentence and mid-stride to capture a photo just to post on freaking social media.

That is absolutely not aligned with my truest authenticity or highest self.

And really, would me creating these posts and pouring my heart and soul and countless hours into getting my thoughts onto the page and producing a final work product I’m proud of be any less meaningful if I than if I privately printed and tucked the final draft away rather than send it to 100+ inboxes? Put it in a memory box in my office that I just show to my kids one day?

Would the wellness influencer/podcaster I’m slightly obsessed with (who does make, by my estimation and what she’s shared, over $300K or so per year through her business) be any less cool of a person if she didn’t post all of her wellness habits and practices online? If she just…lived them?

I don’t think so. I think she and I think I would still be pretty badass. Just not making income from those particular activities of badassery.

Should we aim to make income from our passions?

I’ve seen and been inspired by so many amazing women here on Substack who’ve turned what they share—their art, their creations—into income. I admire them more than I can say for their ability to do so, and ~ I admit ~ there are moments when I feel insufferably jealous of them.

A question I’ve been kicking around lately though as I explore all sorts of purpose and passion-driven work I could pursue is:

Should our ultimate aspiration be to derive income from our passions and/or purpose? Does our income have to stem from our authenticity? Or can authenticity, as long as your source of income doesn’t actively degrade it, be separate from what you do for work?

Can I go to my somewhat dull corporate job, spend the day around generally nice people and a lovely manager, sit outside in the sunny courtyard my office has, answer some emails and clickity-clackity spend the day monitoring a rarely overwhelming inbox, close my computer at 5pm then go home to my fiancé and my books and my baked goods and my friends and my joyful movement routine and my inner work and the walking trails around my home and be happy and truly living my best life?

Or do I have to pursue means of work and income that are aligned with my unique gifts to share with the world in order to be a self-actualized, enlightened, or “thriving” human?

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I guess only I can answer that question.

I guess every one of us can only answer it for ourselves.

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Is it so wrong to consider whether that’s the point of all this? This one little big life we have, to work at anything as few hours as possible to make as much money as possible to sustain your life’s authentic desires outside of that work?

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food for thought

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Give me the expensive artisan cheese

Am I a bad—or *shudder* inauthentic—person for enjoying the financial comfort that my unfulfilling income source affords me?

So far this year, I’ve considered all manner of business ventures through which I could share my aligned, unique gifts with the world and make an income from.

• Cafe operator

• Authenticity coach

• Book shop & tea bar owner (there would also be sourdough cookies, which is partly where “Cosmic Crumbs” came from 🍪)

• Astrology & Human Design-informed coach

• Marketing strategy consultant for small businesses

• Full time Substacker (mind you, after nine months I don’t currently offer paid subscriptions)

All in the name of creating and finding income-generating work that aligns with my authentic self.

And I’m just going to say it, the thing you’re not supposed to say - at this stage of my life, I would not consider quitting my corporate job if not for at least the chance of making more money from a purpose-aligned venture than I currently make.

I’m not a martyr. I’m not trying to be. No disrespect whatsoever to you if your perspective differs, but I have a healthy admiration of what money can do for me and the quality of my life.

I like taking expensive trips to Michelin-guide resorts in Italy every year.

I like exclusively buying organic food, even the organic pine nuts which are ridiculously fucking expensive but taste so good in my pesto. iykyk

I like casually buying my dad a 230 euro hand-hewn, hand-forged, hand-everything chef’s knife from this dude for Father’s Day just because I thought he’d enjoy hearing about the Umbrian shop I bought it in.

I like splurging on fancy facials and massages a few times a year and tipping well after.

I like spending my corporate-made dollars supporting woman-founded, freaking awesome businesses who clearly lead from passion & purpose, like her and her.

I also like buying the majority of my clothes and shoes on eBay, almost never going out for meals other than pastries, and getting my hair cut a couple times a year at a place that charges $22 and only takes cash… so…we pick our splurges, my dear reader.

When I was working as a cheesemonger part-time simply because I loved it, I’d thought… if I were to quit my corporate job and work full-time at this cheese shop (which they’d offered me), I’d never be able to afford all the delicious, amazing, expensive artisan cheese I could if I stayed employed at a Fortune 500.

A Creativity Colonic, if you will

I heard once that the secret to happiness is finding peace and appreciation for what you already have.

I’d really like to give myself the chance to try that with my life and income as it currently is.

I realized I am following so many truly inspiring, wonderful, badass women across social media & Substack who make their income from passion using their unique gifts.

But what I’ve started to wonder is whether I actually want that too, or if I’m telling myself to want it based on how fun and exciting and courageous and fulfilling and rewarding as everyone I see makes it seem.

I don’t know the answer right now. What I do know is that I’m not going to find out by continuing to take in all these—albeit super amazing—external voices.

I want to see how I feel about my own life, inwardly, for a while without any input or inspiration from anyone, regardless of how much I may admire them.

There’s a fine line between feeling inspired and feeling jealous. Between feeling expanded and feeling like you’re not innately enough, just as you are. Just as your life is.

So, I’m officially becoming a digital hermit for the next two weeks as I dive into my inner world, my un-influenced feelings, and true desires.

I’m taking a break from social media in all forms. Instagram, Facebook, and yes, Substack—both as a reader and a writer, because imo it’s not cool to expect others to take in my creative work as I turn a blind eye to theirs.

It’ll be a creativity colonic, if you will.

I’ll dedicate all the free time I anticipate having, which would have otherwise been filled with drafting Notes just for the algorithm, scrolling my Substack feed, going down Reels and YouTube Shorts rabbit-holes, etc., to:

• To Be Magnetic’s mid-year Authenticity Challenge

• Reading books that challenge my current thinking

• Reading books that are pure feminine smut

• Going for solo walks in the sunshine sans podcast playing

• Catching up with friends on the phone and IRL

• Testing out a schedule to keep learning Italian

• Truly feeling into my current life and work, and whether it’s something I want to change for a chance at more fulfillment, or if I’m already fulfilled for this season of my life

• Finding & eating expensive artisanal cheese

I’ll probably come back online in two weeks when this is over, to be honest.

But maybe I’ll enjoy the offline time so much I won’t want to rejoin!

Or maybe I’ll come back in a few weeks absolutely prolific, words flowing onto the page like a river surging after a storm, and feel called to write how the experience impacted me.

Maybe I’ll feel called to document my entire experience and learnings offline as I go, discerning and alchemizing for…fun?! Not for the feed.

Either way, I’m giving myself the chance to feel into my true, unadulterated desires and authenticity, and simply see what comes of it.

See you on the other side 💗

One last thing…

I listened to a recent TBM episode where the guest spoke about how, after landing in somewhat dire straits of debt, she realized that if her traditional decision-making process led her to where she is, then it stands to reason that she should do the opposite of what she’d normally do to forge her path ahead. It benefitted her immensely, and now she’s a published author and thriving using her unique gifts.

Normally to announce what I’m going to below, I’d stay up until 11p (my bed begins calling to me daily at 8:50p) every night building the “perfect” landing page, massaging my messaging so hard it loses nearly all of its original texture, having a conniption over the color palette, and overthinking every moment of every day leading up to my sending it out.

So now, I’m doing the opposite of my overworked, Type A, perfectionist ways. And it feels ~ chef’s kiss ~

I’m opening up a waitlist for concierge service clients.

Here’s the no-frill drill: I’ve tried countless programs, platforms, podcasts, books, inner work modalities and self-development methods & products.

Now, I want to help you cut through the noise of everything on offer to craft an Action Plan that’s literally custom designed for you.

Your goals. Your timeline. Your budget. Your transformation.

Bookings will include:

• Pre-session info gathering form so I come to our call fully prepped on what you intend to get out of our work

• 60-minute get-to-know you session with me where we review where you’ve been, where you are now, and where you want to go

• Post-call recap document with all the juicy links, bits & bobs we discussed, plus a month-by-month (or week-by-week if that’s your jam) Action Plan to use all the programs, books, podcasts, inner work modalities, bespoke AI prompts if you want, and anything else that’s most helpful for you to level up in your next aligned chapter

• 15-minute check-in call anytime after our initial session to make any adjustments, and for me to hear how the work is working & offer all the coaching support and encouragement you need 💕

psst… the first few to sign up will receive complimentary sessions as a thank you for reading my work and supporting this manifestation of my creativity & alignment!

Even though I’ll be offline for the next two weeks, my fiancé has very generously agreed to keep an eye on my DMs in case you shoot over any questions.

Here’s to our continued growth, evolution, and coming into our brightest, most aligned selves! 🥂